Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
