i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
