I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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