Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
