I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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