Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
