cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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