guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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