I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
