how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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