I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You had me at "let me see your balls"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
