I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
