It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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