It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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