im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
