you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We have so much sex to catch up on
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
