Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
