And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
