I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
