Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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