Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
