I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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