You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize