I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
