We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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