His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
