I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
