Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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