I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
