the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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