I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
