if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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