I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
