if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize