.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
