just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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