bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
