He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
