you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
