He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
