I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
