did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
