i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
