Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize