he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
