I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
