I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
