Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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