I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
