When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
