the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
