U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
