can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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