Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
