you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
