Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
