oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
