Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I will pee on everything he values.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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