why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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