I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
