trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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