I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
