I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize