his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
