life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
