You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
