Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So much rum. So many feels.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize