i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
