i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
