i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
