i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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