i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
