I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
