using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
