dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize