so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
