Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Randomize
