Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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