Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Im part way to drunk.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
