he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
