You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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