Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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