Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
