Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
