we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
