I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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