i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Hello my rib-scented angel!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
