People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
