Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
