I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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