Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
