Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
