i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
