Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
