Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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