Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
