You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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