Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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