brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
