I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
