im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I lost the right to judge tonight
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
