And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
