Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
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