youre lurking in front of me
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
