My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
