Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
