Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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